How to Use this Book (Important: See Disclaimer)
This book contains a number of questions that you may or may not need to ask the brother. Keep in mind that not all questions are appropriate depending upon each situation. You should use your judgment in this area. Some questions are strange because they take the approach of the worse case scenario.
Make dua for a good spouse and educate yourself fully on your right of women and men in marriage.. Then read all the questions and mark off the questions that you feel that you want ask the brother. Reword the questions to fit your particular situation. Also keep in mind that some questions are of a very sensitive nature, and therefore will require a delicate approach such as asking the brother for an AIDS test if that is what you want. Please be aware that asking the questions does not guarantee that the brother is telling the truth or that he is answering from his heart. Others have the best of intentions but never follow through. The book was developed because many sisters have gotten shafted from brothers wo have conveniently left out important information or who were not honest, or who were not willing to work out problems that arose in the marriage. On the other hand, no one is perfect and therefore will not be able to give the best answers to these questions in some cases. However you must judge which things you can live with and help him change and what things you cannot live with.
It is advised that you tape the question and answer session with the brother's knowledge or write the responses that the brother gives. This is important because many times a brother agrees to allow his wife to visit her friends twice a week, and then a few months down the line he may have forgotten this. In another case a brother may say that he will start attending Fajr prayer, and a year later, has not made any attempt in doing so. Therefore, you can refer back to your answer sheet or tape and remind him that he answered these question in front of your Wali and that he needs to keep his word.
If the brother is hesitant in answering the questions, sometimes this is a sign that the brother is hiding something. Never think that your needs are to unimportant, because that could be the first mistake you make! Lastly, you must make sure that you get the dowry that you asked for. Don't be foolish and ask for nothing (unless you truly don't want anything) in a dower, keeping in mind that if the marriage. Many times sisters don't specifically ask for anything from the husband and the husband never gives the wife anything, yet quickly reminds the wife of her bedroom duties if she acts hesitant. Also, before signing the marriage contract make sure that he knows what to expect from you as a wife (things you are willing to tolerate and give up or what you are not willing to tolerate or give up). Make sure that you know what to expect from him as a husband (Don't expect new clothes every two months if you know that he is poor, or don't complain about not being able to visit the sisters constantly and excessively if he has already told you that he rather that you stay at home sometimes). Some people hang out so much with friends until they neglectful toward the husband and other duties. And, don't expect people to change. When you marry the person, remember that you (in most cases) are marrying them AS IS. If you find that a brother is pushy and acts hastily, then this is part of his character, and will most likely be something that stays with him. If he is not doing some Sunnah acts, your encouragement could possibly get him to change and start doing those acts.
Lastly, a word on compromise. Often women compromise their Islamic rights so much so that by the time they decide to end a bad marriage, they want to list 201 things the brother has done. Don't let it get that far. If you do that is your fault. Nip things in the bud early on. Approach your marriage guardian , give the brother time to change. If that doesn't work, return to the marriage guardian and if results aren't happening, in a reasonable time, then you have to decided to either live with it, or seek divorce in the worst case scenario. Don't allow yourself to be perpetual victim either. The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives. However if you end up with a bad brother who fails to practice this, don't use this as an excuse to leave Islam or leave your practice. Allah will deal with him, rest assure on that and Allah will reward and compensate you for your suffering.