1. Many times women get married with out the husband having given her the dower (Mahr). It is strongly advised that a woman not accept a delayed dower. Sometimes the man never pays the dower, even though in the beginning he may promise.
2. When getting an apartment, renting a home starting utility services or the like, it is best for the man to apply for these in his name. In some cases, due to carelessness, the brother may be negligent in paying these items and ruin your credit if your name is on the bill. This can result in a problems for you obtaining similar services on your own, should things result in divorce. Don't be unrealistic in these matters. It is his responsibility to take care of all of these things on his own anyway.
3. Do not marry an individual who you are not happy with. If you feel that a brother is to pushy for you to tolerate or If you feel his Islam is too deviant, you should not marry him. Don't rush off to marry anybody until you are ready, even if you are being pressured.
4. Make dua for a person of good character and strong practice. Pray Salatul Istakarah before and after meeting with the brother and before agreeing to marry the brother and before actually going through with the marriage. Jabir Ibn Abdullah narrated Sahih Al-Bukari # 2.263 The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam used to teach us the way of doing Istikharah (Istikharah means to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or deed) in all matters as he taught us the Sura of the Qur'an. He said, "If anyone of you thinks of doing any job he should offer a two-rak'ah prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer):- O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, and Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter--(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)--then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to obtain, and then bless me in it. If You know that this job is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter--(or said, If it is worse for my present and later needs)--then keep it away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it." The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam added that then the person should name (mention his need). Also ask Allah to show you if there is any reason that you should not marry this man let it be clearly known to you and that you accept it.
5. Some scholars say that speaking on the phone with a potential prospect is not allowed Islamicly, if your Wali is not present. It leads brothers (and sisters) to say, encourage or suggest unIslamic things that they would not have, if the Wali is present. ( you may include your Wali by using speaker phone or 3 Way calling if telephone use is needed)
6. Some individuals that may seem pious outwardly may be anything but. Unfortunately there are people who act pious outside the home but fail to be a decent spouse. As a result don't be surprised if this happens, and keep in mind that no matter how religious a person might seem to outsiders, if you are being abused or some other injustice is taking place, you have the right to seek advice from your marriage guardian and as a last resort in awful circumstances you have the right to seek divorce.
7 ." When two people marry, they must respect the fact that each partner has his/her own approach to Islam. The way of hikma, or gentle wisdom, is not to try to force our opinions down the other's throat, but to explain to each other in a beautiful way why we think our position is sound (stating evidences from the Quran and Sunnah). Allah Most High says, "Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance" (An-Nahl, 16:125)".Ustadha AnsariAudio Files About Marriage |Excellent Talks regarding how to the treat wife kindlyOther Lectures on Marriage
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