Make your own free website on

Back to Table of Contents

General Suggestions

1. Many times women get married with out the husband having given her the dower (Mahr). You should give her the dowry up front.
2. When getting an apartment, renting a home  starting utility services or the like, it is best for the you to apply for these in your name. As it is your responsibility to take care of all of these things on your own.
3. Do not marry an individual who you are not happy with. If you feel that a sister is  to pushy for you to tolerate, you should not marry her. If you feel her Islam is too deviant, you should not marry her. Don't rush off to marry anybody until you are ready, even if you are being pressured.
4. Make dua for a spouse with good character and good Islamic practice. Pray Salatul Istakarah before meeting with the sister, after meeting with the sister and before agreeing to marry the sister and before actually going through with the marriage. Jabir Ibn Abdullah narrated Sahih Al-Bukari # 2.263 The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam used to teach us the way of doing Istikharah (Istikharah means to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or deed) in all matters as he taught us the Sura of the Qur'an.  He said, "If anyone of you thinks of doing any job he should offer a two-rak'ah prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer):- O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, and Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter--(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)--then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to obtain, and then bless me in it. If You know that this job is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter--(or said, If it is worse for my present and later needs)--then keep it away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it." The Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam added that then the person should name (mention his need). Also ask Allah to show you if there is any reason that you should not marry this man let it be clearly known to you and that you accept it.

5. Some scholars say that speaking on the phone with a potential prospect is not allowed Islamicly, if her Wali is not present. Many times this leads sisters (and brothers) to say, encourage and suggest  unIslamic things that  they would not have, if the Wali were  present. ( you may include her Wali by using speaker phone or 3 Way calling  if telephone use is needed). See ruling on mixing and mingling.
6. Some individuals that may seem pious outwardly may be anything but. Unfortunately there are people who act pious outside the home but fail to be a decent spouse. As a result don't be surprised if this happens, and keep in mind that no matter how religious a person might seem to outsiders, if turmoil appears due to behavior or lack of basic practice, , you have the right to seek advice from her marriage guardian.  However, be sure you are leading by example. To often people expect a pious wife, to cover properly and so forth yet they are anything but themselves. So if you are a bad example to your family, expect your family to fall short of the mark and take responsibility toward your behavior  first and  then toward guiding them rectifying theirs. Whatever you expect from your wife, look at yourself and see if you are doing the equivalent situation where it applies to a man.
7 ."
When two people marry, they must respect the fact that each partner has his/her own approach to Islam. The way of hikma, or gentle wisdom, is not to try to force our opinions down the other's throat, but to explain to each other in a beautiful way why we think our position is sound (stating evidences from the Quran and Sunnah). Allah Most High says, "Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance" (An-Nahl, 16:125)".Ustadha  Ansari