Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Look For A Spouse
Before you start looking for a spouse you must first get your objectives in order. Use this first part as a check off list, so that you know what things you are looking for in a husband. You should even inform your Wali (marriage guardian) of your answers so that he may effectively aid you in your search for a husband, as every Muslim woman must have a marriage guardian whether she is virgin, divorced, or widowed.Things About Yourself
1. What religious aspects are you looking for? What level of religion are you willing to accept. Are you looking for someone who is actively making an effort to practice Islam, are you looking for someone who has watered down Islam, are you looking for some one who is knowledgeable in general? What ever you are looking for, it is always a bad idea to go for the brother who has watered down Islam. Since the man will be giving direction in the home it could be detrimental to be married to an individual who wants to take shorts cuts in his Islam, as this can be a quick route to the hell fire and sometimes divorce.
2.What physical aspects are you looking for? Do you prefer for someone from a particular nationality, or are you open to any practicing Muslim brother? If you are a tall girl are you looking for someone who is the same height or is this inconsequential? Make a list of what you are looking for but remember two things, great looks in a brother does not guarantee that he is a good practicing Muslim and vice versa. Lastly, don't make your list so stringent that you weed 99% of the men out.
3.What type of financial situation are you looking for? The man is required to support his wife. But are you looking for someone who is very well off and would be able to provide lavish arrangements for you? Are you willing to settle for a low wage earner who can provide you with the basics or some one who has moderate income and will provided moderate living arrangement? You should also be concerned with the type of work a brother does. If he has a job that requires him to do things which are not allowed in Islam such are bartending, being alone with women etc. you will need to look for a brother that has a halaal source of income as your priority. Additionally, don't be gullible regarding a person's earning potential. If you know that the brother is not educated in a career that brings a lot of money, if you know that he is currently poor and you accept that. Don't wait 5 years and then start complaining about your poverty, when kids have entered the picture and stretched your means. Be mindful of the income bracket you marry into and be prepared for that not to change much. If it improves, alhamduillah, but don't have unreasonable expectations.
4.Where are you willing to live? Regardless of the nationality of the person, it is possible that the person you marry will want to either move back home. He may want make hijra to a country that has a larger majority of visibly practicing Muslims? Regardless of where you live , what type of living arrangements are you willing to accept. Must you have your own apartment or home, or are you willing to live with a mother in law or step children? (Some women end up in a living arrangement in which the brother in law is present, scholars says that this should be avoided, because the brother in law is not maharim for you. An authentic hadeeth says that the brother in law is death.
5. Are you looking for someone who is divorced, never married, widowed, virgin etc.?
7. What age group are you interested in?
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You need to consider the things which a prospective spouse will ask of you. In many cases the following questions a brother may ask your Wali could determine whether